I recorded this episode in what I lovingly call my “car studio.” No lighting setup, no podcast mic, not even a plan. I was driving, this idea hit me, and I knew if I didn’t pull over that very second, it would slip away into the December fog. So here we are. You, me, my car seat, and a message I want to put right into your hands before the holidays sweep you into ten thousand expectations.
Because so many of you—on Patreon, on YouTube, in messages, in comments—have been saying the exact same thing:
“I love my family… but these holiday gatherings make me anxious.”
“I dread the big dinners.”
“I feel trapped.”
“I want to be grateful, but honestly, I’m stressed out.”
And you know what? I get it. I used to be the king of showing up to things I didn’t actually want to attend. Big gatherings, twenty people talking over one another, opinions being tossed around like confetti, and the unspoken rule that everyone must act thrilled to be there. I’d microdose my way through the whole thing just to soften the edges. For a long time I thought that was simply my fate. That’s what we do. We go, we smile, we survive it, and we recover later.
Until one day I finally asked myself a question that changed everything.
But before we get there… let’s talk about this holiday anxiety thing head-on.
Holiday gatherings are supposed to feel warm and sparkly. So why don’t they?
Well, because reality isn’t a snow globe.
Reality is:
- loud rooms
- people you love but struggle to be around
- social pressure
- old patterns
- expectations you never agreed to
- conversations your nervous system does not enjoy
- way too much stimulation
- and way too little oxygen
And for many people, especially sensitive folks, introverts, or anyone healing from anxiety, large gatherings are simply overwhelming. Not “kind of uncomfortable.” Overwhelming.
So, when you tell me you feel anxious this time of year, I want you to hear this loud and clear:
There is nothing wrong with you. Your body is giving you information.
When you walk into a room and your chest tightens, your energy drains, and you instantly begin scanning for exits, you’re not “being dramatic.” You’re noticing what your nervous system has been trying to tell you for years.
The solution isn’t to “push through it.”
The solution isn’t to “try harder to be social.”
And the solution definitely isn’t to sit quietly while someone’s uncle tells you the meaning of life over a plate of overcooked ham.
There is a different way to live your holidays. A healthier way. A braver way. A more honest way.
And it starts with four words.
The Four Words That Changed My Life
It took me decades—decades—to get here.
One day, after years of dragging myself to gatherings that drained the life out of me, I looked in the mirror and said:
I am in control.
Say it out loud with me for a moment.
I am in control.
Not your parents.
Not tradition.
Not guilt.
Not expectations.
Not “but we always do this.”
Not “everyone will think you’re rude if you’re not there.”
You.
You decide how you spend your time, who you see, and how much energy you give away.
When I asked myself, “Who exactly is making me go to these big gatherings?” the answer was embarrassing.
Nobody.
Just me.
I was doing it to myself.
And when I asked, “Does attending these big events make me a better father? A better husband? A better son? A better person?” the honest answer was a hard no.
Sometimes it even made me worse. Because when I’m pushed past my capacity, I’m not my best self. I’m tired, edgy, overstimulated, and just trying to hold it together until I can get out of there. That doesn’t serve anyone I love. Not even me.
So I stopped.
I stopped going to big gatherings.
Full stop.
And here’s the surprising twist:
It made my relationships better.
Small Moments Matter More Than Big Rooms
Just because I stopped going to big holiday gatherings doesn’t mean I love my family any less. Actually, it showed them I love them enough to show up as my real self.
For me, one-on-one time or two-on-two time is where the good stuff happens. That’s when you can actually look someone in the eye and talk about life. That’s when the conversation isn’t drowned out by clinking forks and heated debates about politics. That’s when you’re not performing, not pretending, not trying to regulate your nervous system like a full-time job.
Small-group connection is what feels meaningful to me. It’s what keeps me grounded. It’s where I don’t lose energy. It’s where I can breathe.
Big groups?
I last about ten minutes before I’m ready to escape through the kitchen window.
Not because I’m antisocial.
Not because I don’t care.
Simply because my nervous system wasn’t built for it. And there’s no shame in that.
“But Dr. Dave, I already bought the plane ticket…”
I hear you.
Some of you have non-refundable tickets, obligations, family pressures that you don’t feel ready to loosen yet. And I get that too.
If you must attend the gathering this year, here’s what I suggest:
1. Microdose in the morning
A gentle microdose can give you a soft landing, take the edge off the anticipatory anxiety, and help you feel more regulated.
2. Microdose again before the event if needed
A small, responsible dose can help your system settle before walking into a room that usually makes it spike.
3. Use the 4-4-6-2 breathing technique
Inhale through your nose for 4
Hold for 4
Exhale slowly for 6
Hold for 2
Repeat.
This one saved me during four weeks in Japan when I couldn’t microdose at all. This breathing method is powerful. It works.
4. Schedule downtime afterward
Your nervous system needs recovery. Treat it like a real plan, not a luxury.
5. Remember: This does not define you
One holiday does not determine your value, your worth, your love for your family, or your future.
The Magic Isn’t Just in the Microdosing
Microdosing can absolutely help you feel calmer, present, and capable during stressful gatherings. It has helped me countless times.
But the real healing comes when you finally understand that you don’t have to participate in things that hurt your mental health.
You don’t have to earn your worth by showing up exhausted.
You don’t have to sacrifice your peace for a plate of turkey.
You don’t have to live your holidays on someone else’s program.
You are in control.
Say it again.
Believe it more this time.
I am in control.
It’s not just a phrase.
It’s a boundary.
It’s a lifeline.
It’s the door to better mental health.
And it works.
My mental health has never been better.
Not because I learned to “tolerate” the holidays…
but because I learned to honor myself.
You’re Not Alone This Season
If you need support, come join us in the Patreon community. We truly are a family in there. We walk with each other, especially during the tough parts of life. We lift each other when things feel heavy. And nobody gets left behind.
You are not alone—especially not during the holidays.
I love you.
I believe in you.
And you can do this.
I’ll see you next week.
Dr. Dave
Founder, Microdose U 
P.S. If you’d like to learn more about microdosing and starting your own journey, grab my free 5-part email course.
Where To Go for Support
If this week’s episode or story spoke to you, here are some ways to stay connected and supported:
Listen: Magic Mushrooms for Holiday Anxiety – on YouTube, Spotify, Apple and Rumble.
Join: The Patreon Family for private discussions, sourcing support, and live group meetings.
Guidance: Explore One-on-One Coaching for personalized help on your journey.
Visit: My Amazon Storefront for the supplements and tools that support my daily routine.
Nothing in this podcast is to be taken as medical advice. Please consult with your doctor before microdosing. Also, only use these medicines safely where it is legal or decriminalized.
